✝The enemy within✝

★ ƒυcк ƒαкє ƒяιєη∂ѕ ★

So as you probably can tell me and bob sorf of "broke up". Now you may think what a bad friend and a bitch i am because i wrote that story and that's why we broke up...no. that's not what happened. Personaly to me that "break up" was going on long before that i mean days before that friday we started the "break up" i just kind of lost all the interest in our "relationship". But i don't think she tried to do anything about it anyway. But let's skip that part. you know what happened...you dont know what happened then...so in the morning i think it was Sunday, that weekend after friday, i got a text from bob before i even woke up. She wrote "Good morning. and again i'm sorry for the thing i wrote you on games123" or somethinh..i was like what the hell is going on. i was kind of having a panic attack just then. Then like every other morning i checked my email...i had like 5 notes from twitter. From bob. she posted something on my wall..so i checked it..again it said i'm sory for what i wrote you...seriously WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?!? i managed to get my lazy ass up and go to living room to check my profile here...1 message from bob. ok let's go and read it. now i'm not that kind of a bitch to actually post that message here cause yh i did save it on my email..ups..but she was like: I will always regret me sending this to you, because then i know we might never be friends again
1. bla bla bla
2. bla bla bla
3. bla bla bla bla and so on and so far

My point is she was like describing my mistakes and telling me she cries too and well..emotinal crap you know..and i didn't even read the whole message, for the first time, which was more of a novel then a message cause it was so long...i literally started crying after 2 paragraphs. i went to my room and cry. .. so i saved the message on my email. then she send me a message something like "i hope you read the message" or something... oh don't worry darling, i did!!! a couple days later when i wanted to go and read it here on my profile again it was gone!! well i wonder how?? i bet you my life she deleted it...yh she knew my password..so she probably did it...i know i didn't!" and i'm not that stupid not to know what i deleted and what i didn't..phhh...then we texted each other like idk anymore...all i remember is that she send me a message "bla bla bla i still want to be your friend but you decide" ok..hahha.tooooo much feeling..i wen to ask sarah for an advice...and then i decided that i dont wanna be her friend anymore. why would i be? she always lets me down she's always with lauren and sometimes i get the feeling she's with me just because she has to be, bc there are no girls including lauren in our class that she actually knows from 1st-5th grade from that place she lives, and i'm only there like.. you know i just felt like i'm annoying her all the bloody time and that i mean nothing to her...well..i told her that if she still want to be my friend she has to tell that in my face and also all the things she wrote in that message...and she was like "what? just tell me what to tell you and i will do it" yh right nothing happened..of course she doesn't have the guts to do it. i can't tell you how much i wish to say something in her face..idk what happened then.. i cried again, cause that's what i always do, cause i'm a crazy motherfucker who can't control her feelings...anyway the next day in school was torturing...metal torturing..i walked to school and there she was sitting on one bench and sarah and faith (? i'm still trying to find the right name for her) were sitting on the other bench. i walked up to them changet to my slippers and sat down. i didn't even look at bob. i felt like i'm gonna get a heart attack..i could breathe, my heart was beating so loud..and she wasn't very comfortable as well..the next few weeks till the end of the school year were the same..torturing..thank god it was just a few weeks i could stand it anymore! we literally sat next to each other in like every single class! of course at some classes she ended up with barbara and i ended up sitting with sarah. which was good, i like sarah. it was so embarassing sitting next to bob not talking to her anymore..but she didn't look like she mises me..i mean maybe but i wasn't given that impression. per example at french class (the first french class after the break up) she asked the teacher if she can sits with lauren..the teacher said yes.. guess what happened next...bob literally jumped and did that yes thing with the hand and she smiled really clearly...i mean..omg i'm so done. so i sat alone for the whole french class. blahhhhh. me and sarah passed some notes if i want for her to sit next to me the next time.. yes!! but even though we broke up i still had friends..one even said she was only friends with bob cause she was my bff..
But it was also hard cause everyone was like constanly asking me if me and bob are still friends..well they asked her first but she said "ask kim". now then me, valery (or was it victoria? i can't remeber how i named her before.sorry) and sarah did some talking and valery (victoria) then said that's only cause she did something wrong because if it wasnt her fault she would already tell them all the thing i did wrong..i suppose she was right, wasn't she? i mean.. but i still FUCKING BLAME MYSELF FOR OUR BREAK UP!!!! i don't know...it was my fault wasn't it? it's always my fault..i'm never good enough! there i'm gonna cry again..no. i'm not. fuck it all.

so that's it for today guys..urggh i really hate remembering this things..i hope you will continue to read it btw i wanna know your opinion..ohh and hold on it's about to get even more interesting next time